When I was growing up, my dad used to always say, “Life is all about compromise, you give up one thing so you can have another.” This always annoyed me as a kid. I would roll my eyes and think to myself that no one had ever said a more obvious thing than what my dad had just said and repeated at every applicable opportunity.
As I’ve gotten a little older, those words have struck a particular chord inside me. I find myself chuckling at the wisdom behind that thought, and how applicable it is to every hard decision you’ll make over the course of your life, no matter how big or small.
My wife is currently giving up all the things she enjoys in life to be a first year medical resident at a prestigious hospital. When she does do something she enjoys, she’s making a professional sacrifice. For instance, on Sunday, we went to a concert and stayed out relatively late (for us). She paid for that on Monday when she had to be at work early and work a long day. It’s something that will take a toll if you tried to do it over time.
There are bigger picture compromises, too. You can pursue a high octane job that helps you accumulate wealth and live in a particular matter or you can live a life of leisure and pursue whatever interests you that day. You could live the life of a wanderer, or you could pursue success as it’s been previously established. You can’t live on a lettuce farm pursuing simplicity, and simultaneously try become CEO of a publicly traded company. There’s a tension between those things. Life is about choices, and having choices leads to lots of compromise.
I’m tempted, for instance, to save my money until I could travel for a year, then quit my job and travel until the money ran out. Of course, once the money ran out I’d need to get back to work pretty quickly. Another part of me is excited about the prospects of putting down roots here in St. Louis. We just bought a house, and I love the city. I love getting to live here, and I’d like to have a family some day. Whether I chose the first option or the second, I’m missing out on one. That’s the harsh reality of life. That’s why people have midlife crises, isn’t it? At some point you start to wonder about the other side of the choices you made. The key is to try to be happy with whatever decisions you’ve made along the way.
Next time your faced with a tough decision, I bet you’ll catch yourself thinking about my dad’s pearl of wisdom – life is all about compromise, you give up one thing so you can have another. After all, that’s the root of most of the personal finance principles you hear being trumpeted, isn’t it? Forego pleasure now so you can have more of it later. It’s both frustrating and beautiful because you can apply it to almost any situation. Good luck living with your decisions and thanks for reading.
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#1 by Katie on August 11th, 2009 - 8:05 pm
Hi Todd –
I like your post today- sooooo true!
I have a theory about those midlife crises: I feel one is more likely to have a “breakdown” during their midlife crisis if they had been told by someone else what choices to make through life. We will all wonder “what if” but those that actually breakdown do so because they don’t feel like they chose their outcome. Maybe a spouse or parent told them they couldn’t do something or maybe they needed someone to just think through the idea with them to weigh the various outcomes. Like I said it’s just a crazy theory, but I try very hard to tell my spouse, siblings, etc. that they can do anyhing … Let’s talk i t through!
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Todd Metheny Reply:
August 11th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
Hi Katie, that makes sense to me. I took a class about dispute resolution while I was in school, and one of the things that studies had shown about mediations were that people were happier with settlements and outcomes that they had a hand in creating. It definitely seems like it would be harder to live with a decision that wasn’t your own. I like your theory! Thanks for commenting!
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